Didn't expect this...

It was the week of the 4th of July and his birthday when all this started and after our "fight" I convinced him that we needed to start making changes and get our marriage back on track. I tried to go on like nothing had happened. We went to his mom's house for his birthday celebration and acted like nothing was wrong. I was really ready to make things better. I was ready to put all my effort into making him happy and making our marriage stronger. When we got home that night and after we put the kids to bed he said he needed some time alone. He left and went to a hotel. I had no idea what was about to happen when he got home the next day.

He got home about noon and when he walked in the door I could tell this was not going to be good. We went in to the bedroom and I asked him what was going to happen. He said, I don't want to be married to you anymore. I said, how can you give up on us when this is the first major bump we have had in our marriage? He never could answer me. I had asked him the night of our fight if he had been unfaithful and he looked me in the eyes and said no. He lied. I cannot remember exactly how it finally came out but he looked at me and said, I am sorry but there is someone else. My body went numb. I just stood there staring at him, not able to move. I could feel my heart crack. I asked him, did you sleep with her? He said yes. I slapped him right across the face. Called him an SOB. How could he do this to me? What the hell did I do to deserve this? He never said he was unhappy. WHAT???
I asked him if he loved her. He said yes, I think I do. I slapped him again. I fell to my knees and just wept. Why does this always happen to me? Am I really that bad of a person? I have never had so many things go through my head at one time. How am I going to support my kids without him? I don't have a college degree, I have not worked in 5 years. How in the hell am I going to do this??

I always thought and said that if this ever happened I would tell him to get out and that would be it. That did not happen. I don't know why and I probably never will but when I looked at him I did not feel hatred. When I looked at him I felt sadness and guilt. I felt like this is my fault because I was not a good enough wife. I didn't do anything right. I didn't make him feel loved and wanted. He turned to some girl that said all the right things, all the things I should have been doing. I found myself just wanting to hold him and tell him I was sorry for pushing him to that line and for making him cross it. I told him that I could move past this. We need to work this out for our kids. He agreed. He promised not to talk to the home wrecker again. I don't know if he kept that promise. We also decided that we would go to counseling. For the next two weeks I tried everything to make things better. I was leaving him little notes, cleaning the house better, paying more attention to him, the works. In return, I was getting treated like I had the plague. He would barely touch me, he couldn't even look at me. I was the one putting in all the effort, apologizing everyday and I wasn't even the one who cheated. I cried myself to sleep every night. He was lying next to me and I felt more alone than I would have if he was 3,000 miles away.