My story begins..

I was married for 8 years and together for 15 years to a man I loved with all of my heart. I had been with him for my entire adult life and I honestly thought we would be together forever. He treated me decently, he made me laugh, we had two wonderful children and we had a good marriage. I was a stay at home mom and I was truly grateful that I was able to stay home with our kids. I was able to find a love for football and other sports as well. He was never really the romantic type but there were times that he did nice and sweet things for me. He was a good provider, a loving father and I know at one time he did love me and I know he loves his kids. I would look at him sometimes and think to myself, I don't know how I could live without him. I felt safe and loved.

Starting in mid 2008 things began to change. I could sense that we were drifting apart and we were not as close as we once were. I knew something was wrong but I choose to ignore it. I was enjoying the things I was doing and didn't want to deal with it. I guess I was scared of what he would say. Looking back, I wish I would have said something because things could have turned out differently than they did. I came home from a trip at the end of June 2009 and I knew something was wrong instantly. This is when my world comes crashing down.

It started with a fight about money. We never fought but when we did it was always about money. He was very tight when it came to that. I shouldn't complain about that because we did have a comfortable life and it was because he was careful. But, it was never easy for me not making my own money and having to get an "allowance" every month. I just never really adapted to that very well. It was not like I was going out and spending boat loads of money on myself but it was to much for him. We had our usual back and forth words but then he said he was fed up. I didn't know what that meant and then he said he was done and couldn't do this anymore. That was it, my heart sank. I knew by the look on his face that he was done with our marriage. I could not breathe. I didn't know what to think, what to say. I just sat there looking at him, crying. All I could think was, this cannot be happening. All of a sudden I was at his feet practically begging him to not say those things. Telling him we can fix this. Saying we can't do this to our kids. I was so confused. This came out of left field. He never said anything about being unhappy. In fact, we never talked about how we felt for a long while. I remember him shaking his head every time I would say we can fix this. We talked for hours but it was going nowhere. Finally, we just went to bed...not together.