Bright Sunshine Day..

How do I explain how the last week has been for me? My life has been a complete nightmare for the past 9 months. I have cried more than I have ever in my entire 37 years. I have never been so angry and hurt. I have met all of my demons and never thought I would conquer any of them until this week.

I found out that he had lied to me once again and didn't do what he said he was going to do. Big surprise there! I had to see a look of despair on my 6yr old son's face because he knew something that he didn't want to tell me because he thought it would make me upset. All because my jerk of an ex could not be man enough to talk to me. He is still being a selfish ass. I confronted him on it via email and of course didn't like what I read. As I am reading his email I thought there goes my really great mood but to my surprise, my great mood did not go away. I did not cry. I did not get angry. WOW!! I told a friend of mine the story and she says to me, "Vanessa, I think you just hit a milestone, you are over him!" She was right. I felt like the weight of the last 9 months had been lifted away and the dark cloud above my head was gone and the sun was shining. I WAS HAPPY!

I know that moving out of the house we bought together and getting a place for just me and the boys had alot to do with me being able to come to this place I am at and also doing all the things that were always done for me. I feel a sense of power and accomplishment. I know I have some more milestones to cross but BRING IT ON!! :)
I am not scared anymore.

The Divorce

Going through a divorce is not a fun process and I don't think I would wish it upon my worst enemy. One very important thing I learned was true colors come shining through. There was one question I kept asking myself and others and that was, "Who is he?" He is not the person I married. He is not the kind, caring and understanding man I loved. He turned out to be a cruel, heartless and mean person.

I think the actual court date was the worst of any. I really felt like I was in a lifetime movie and I was numb. His lawyer was a complete jerk and tried to get some outrageous things. I, on the other hand had a great lawyer and I thank my lucky stars everyday I had him. His lawyer tried to make it seem like I was the one that wanted this divorce just because I filed first. He tried to make it look like I was trying to keep the boys from their dad. He tried to make it look like he was struggling financially. My lawyer shot every single thing right down and the judge saw right through it.

I was doing really well and had not broken down UNTIL... it was told that he was living with his "girlfriend", aka, HOMEWRECKER and she was not paying rent! REALLY??? Here you sit trying to say oh I can't afford to pay her any money to take care of our kids but my whore is living with me for FREE!!! What a jackass. At that moment I knew he had been lying to me and the boys knew who she was. I was so upset.

In the end, the judge was very fair and I ended up getting almost everything I asked for. I tried to tell him that if he divorced me he would be poor and I was right. In order to understand that statement let me tell you a little something about this man I married. HE WAS A TIGHTASS!! Any time he would spend money his ass would squeak!! So, the sweetest revenge for me is when his pocketbook takes a hit. I know this must make me sound like a gold digger but I am really not. It is just that he was so callous towards me and the one way I know he is hurting is by seeing his precious money slip away!